loneliness....

is quite possible the worst feeling in the world. what's worse than being lonely? feeling lonely when you're with your "soulmate". i feel like we spend more time apart than we do together. even when he is at home, we somehow float into our own seperate worlds. it's not cool. i'm not placing blame on him, however i'm certainly not taking full blame either. i try so hard to be cordial. i try to cheer him up because i know that stress is pretty much taking over his life. but, for some reason, he continues to push me further and further away. does he not want to be with me anymore? has he found himself in a slump with me? do i not make him happy any longer - or did i ever to begin with? all of these questions that will continue to be unanswered. why? because there is no such thing as asking him questions even though they are in direct response to how i am feeling. i guess my feelings have absolutely no meaning left to them. i pray everyday that he can find what he saw in me on day one of our relationship..if that's even possible. there is no way he still feels the same because if he did, things wouldn't have gone from bad to worse in a matter of months. i know that stress has the ability to take over one's life..but it's hard to me to fathom the fact that THIS is truly how he deals with stress. it's hard for me to wrap my mind around why someone who claims to love me (and only me, through bad and worse times) would continue to push me away as much has he has. shouldn't he want me to be closer? i have been trying! he's not going for it. i am only left to feel unwanted...that my time is up here, i'm no longer needed by him.

asdkjkhjads i wish these feelings did not exist. but they do. & i'm not exaggerating them, at all. :(